Self acceptance and self improvement

Self-acceptance And Self-improvement

The first grader

Perhaps the example of children in grade school will help us to understand this. These children in the first grade do not reject themselves because they are not in a higher grade, or because they do not know as much, or are not as capable as those children in the higher grades. They accept themselves as they are, and are happy with themselves with their present level of abilities and knowledge.

Yet, no child would accept remaining in the same grade the ...

self, acceptance, love, confidence, self-esteem, improvement

The first grader

Perhaps the example of children in grade school will help us to understand this. These children in the first grade do not reject themselves because they are not in a higher grade, or because they do not know as much, or are not as capable as those children in the higher grades. They accept themselves as they are, and are happy with themselves with their present level of abilities and knowledge.

Yet, no child would accept remaining in the same grade the next year or year after year.

In the same way, there is no conflict between accepting and feeling comfortable with our temporarily limited abilities and lower level of conscious and our need to continue growing. It is natural to accept and love ourselves at his present stage of growth while we simultaneously attend to learning, evolving and improving ourselves.

Growth is a natural instinctual need. Scientists have discovered that when a person learns something new, this creates the excretion of endorphins and other positively reinforcing chemicals in the brain. Natural learning brings pleasure, when it is not connected to fear of rejection and failure.

Other motives for action and growth are love and creativity. We need to love and to create, just as we need to sleep and eat. These are basic needs, even if they are more sophisticated or higher-order needs than the physical needs of sleeping and eating.

Two broken legs

If we know someone who has two broken legs and is unable to carry out his or her responsibilities or be very productive or creative, we automatically understand that they cannot do more than what they are doing, because they have two broken legs.

What we fail to understand is that many of people who we perceive as lazy, irresponsible or negative and even immoral have in fact two of their "emotional legs" broken. They have seriously impaired emotional legs of inner security and feelings of self-worth.

Their insecurity and feelings of self-doubt cause them to behave in negative ways. We, too, might be such persons who have had their inner strength handicapped by negative life experiences. Self-acceptance does not mean that we fail to recognize and admit our mistakes. It simply means that we realize that we are worthy of love even though we are not perfect and have much to improve. The same is true of others, they too are worthy of our love even thought they make mistakes and need to improve themselves.

Half-finished paintings

An incomplete painting is not yet in its perfected form. It is in the process of being perfected, of being completed. We know and accept that it is not completed, not perfect and that it can be and will be much more than it presently is. We do not reject the painting because it is not yet what it will be. We do not say that it is wrong or unacceptable. We simply perceive it as incomplete and we attend to the process of completing it.

Let us then imagine that our and others' personalities are half-finished paintings. Let us perceive the general state of the society and world around as a painting in progress.

We can see there are many weaknesses, faults and aspects to be improved in those paintings. But they are what they can and should be for their present incomplete state. A painting must pass through a series of stages until it is finally completed. Each of these stages is a perfect part of that process of completion. No stage could be skipped or avoided.

You and I and all around us are "perfect" at every stage of that process of completion. Even our imperfections are a perfect temporary part of our movement towards perfection.

When we perceive ourselves and others as unfinished paintings, we will have patience and understanding for our common weaknesses and faults. We will perceive them as parts of our being that need to be worked on in the process of manifesting our perfect being. All others are equally in a process of perfecting their unfinished paintings.

The bud and the flower

A flower bud does not yet manifest its latent beauty. Yet we do not reject, criticize or condemn it. We realize that it is in a process of maturing and that it is what it needs to be now in order to become the flower which it is destined to be. We accept it is as it is and wait patiently for its blossoming.

In the same way, we need to perceive ourselves and others as:

1. Paintings in the process of completing ourselves.


2. Buds becoming flowers


3. Souls in the process of evolution.

We all deserve love and respect exactly as we are. Our life purpose, however, is to attend to the process of evolution and self-perfection until we blossom into the magnificent and totally conscientious and loving beings that we are destined to be.

(From the forthcoming book LOVE IS A CHOICE, by Robert Elias Najemy)

 

Find Your Focus - End Procrastination Without Willpower

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Self abandonment

Self-Abandonment

The Encarta® World English Dictionary defines abandon as: to leave somebody or something behind for others to look after, especially somebody or something meant to be a personal responsibility.

As adults, our own wellbeing is our personal responsibility.

Do you abandon yourself, instead making others responsible for you, and then feel abandoned by others when they leave you or dont take responsibility for you?

As an adult, another person cannot abandon you, sinc...

personal development, self help, anxiety, depression, guilt, shame, anger, fear, stress management, self improvement

The Encarta® World English Dictionary defines abandon as: to leave somebody or something behind for others to look after, especially somebody or something meant to be a personal responsibility.

As adults, our own wellbeing is our personal responsibility.

Do you abandon yourself, instead making others responsible for you, and then feel abandoned by others when they leave you or dont take responsibility for you?

As an adult, another person cannot abandon you, since they are not responsible for you. We can abandon a child, an ill person or an old person someone who cannot take care of themselves. But if you are a physically healthy adult, you can be left, but you cannot be abandoned by others. Only you can abandon you.

What are the ways you might be abandoning yourself?

Judging Yourself

How often do you judge yourself with comments to yourself such as:

You are not good enough. You are inadequate.
You are stupid. You are an idiot.
You are ugly. You are not attractive enough.
If you fail you are not okay.
If someone rejects you, you are not okay.
Its all your fault that.
You will never amount to anything. You are a failure. You are not reaching your potential.

and so on.

Just as a small child feels alone and abandoned when a parent is harsh and judgmental, so our own inner child feels alone and abandoned when you judge yourself. Self judgment not only creates inner feelings of aloneness and emptiness, but it also creates feelings of anxiety, depression, anger, hurt, fear, guilt and shame. Then what do you do when you have judged yourself and created all these painful feelings?

Ignoring Your Feelings

When you feel alone, empty, anxious, depressed, hurt, angry, jealous, sad, fearful, guilty or shamed what do you do? Do you attend to your feelings, exploring what YOU are telling yourself or doing to cause them? Or do you avoid them with some form addictive behavior, using food, alcohol, drugs, nicotine, TV, work, shopping, Internet, sex, anger, blame, and so on to avoid them?

When you ignore your feelings and instead turn to addictive behavior, you are again abandoning yourself. Once you have abandoned yourself, it is very common to project this self-abandonment onto others and feel abandoned by people or by God. Yet, as a physically healthy adult, the feeling of abandonment is being caused by you, just as most of your other painful feelings are being caused by you.

Making Others Responsible for You

Once you judge yourself and then ignore the pain you have caused, it is quite likely that you then turn to others for the love and approval that you are not giving to yourself. Your inner child the feeling part of you needs love, approval, and attention. When you abandon yourself with your self-judgments and ignoring your feelings, the wounded child part of you turns to others for the love you need. Because the child part of you is desperately needy for love, you likely become manipulative to get that love getting angry and blaming, or becoming overly nice or compliant and trying to do everything right. You have handed your inner child away to others for adoption, hoping another person will give you the love you so desperately need. You become addicted to approval, attention, and/or sex.

The more you make others responsible for giving you the love, attention and approval you need, the more your inner child feels abandoned, leading to more addictive behavior to fill the emptiness and avoid the pain of your self-abandonment.

The way out of this is to start to pay attention to your feelings to put your attention inside your body instead of always focusing outside. The moment you feel badly, notice what you are thinking or doing that is causing your pain. Your painful feelings that come from your thoughts are your inner guidance systems way of letting you know that what you are thinking is not true, and is not in your highest good.

Ask the highest part of yourself, What is the truth? Notice how you feel when you attend to your feelings and tell yourself the truth rather than judge yourself, ignore yourself, and make others responsible for your feelings.

 

Find Your Focus - End Procrastination Without Willpower

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